Raising Children

Raising Children



A1 Be Christian

B1 Salvation

C1 This is the highest and most important. If you don't know this or are confused, see NeedGod.com

C2 The importance of this is to have God's help to lead your children to a knowledge and belief in the Gospel.

B2 God has highest authority in life (and everything else)

A2 Act Christian—There is no time for hypocrites. The children will quickly see through your façade.


A3 Love—God's love

B1 1 Corinthians 13 is God's definition of love.

B2 Love is a choice, not necessarily a feeling.

B3 Love your spouse according to 1 Corinthians 13.

B4 Honor God, then your spouse, then the children.

B5 When you come home from work, lay aside the work stresses and woes and take time to listen to your spouse and children.

B6 When the second child, etc., is born, give attention to the first born. Do this until they are older and know that you love both of them.

B7 Men help your wives. Don't be a lazy slacker. You can cook, do dishes, change diapers. Quit being a coward.

A4 Pray

B1 Prayer is talking to God.

B2 Pray for wisdom and guidance.

B3 Pray for the children.

A4 Be humble

B1 This is not weakness.

B2 This is not seeking your way all the time.

B3 This is always submitting to the truth, even if it hurts.

B4 This is asking forgiveness from your children and others when we have been wrong.

B5 For you deliver humble people, but haughty eyes you humiliate. (Psalms 18:27LEB)

B6 Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29LEB)

B7 But he gives greater grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."2 (James 4:6LEB)

A5 Consistency

B1 Inconsistency causes confusion, then hurt, then manipulation.

B2 Be consistent.

B3 If the children have rules, follow them yourself.

A6 Raise/teach/act the fruits of the Spirit

B1 Reject/teach to reject/act by rejecting the fruit of the flesh

B2 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, impurity, licentiousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, strife, jealousy, wrath, selfishness, divisions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like: of which I tell you beforehand, as I have also told you in time past, that they who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

C1 The first four deal with sexual sins.

C2 The next two deal with religious sins.

C3 The rest deal with sins against society.

C4 It is not enough to just tell them to not do these things.

D1 They must understand what they mean.

D2 They must know why.

B3 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, self-control: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:19-26KJ2000)

C1 All of the above need God's help, for they do not come naturally.

C2 All of the above not only help the individual but also society.

C3 Teach the children what they mean and why.

A7 Answer hard questions For example:

B1 How do I know there is a god?

B2 What is there evil is God is good?

B3 How do I know Jesus is God?

A8 Don't provoke to anger

B1 Abuse hurts—emotional, financial, physical, sexual, etc.

B2 Hurt leads to bitterness, then anger, then hate, then murder (suicide or homicide).

B3 Inconsistency, favoritism, treating your spouse badly, etc. are some other examples.

A9 Choices have consequences


A10 Be care of addictive habits

B1 Coffee is addictive but does not cloud the judgment.

B2 Drugs (even unneeded prescription drugs), alcohol, porn, etc. are addictive and cloud the judgment.

A11 Quiet

B1 Learn to speak quietly.

B2 Learn to listen intently. Know what the other person is saying.

B3 Look in their eyes when they are talking.

B4 Don't interrupt.

A12 Work ethic

B1 Have a job (if at all possible).

B2 Be on time.

B3 Do a good job.

B4 Have a job where you can be home as much as possible.

B5 Money is not the most important thing.

B6 Have chores for all the children.

B7 If possible live in the country, so all can learn gardening, animal care, and enjoy a less crowded life.

A13 Learn to prioritize

B1 Somethings are more important than money.

B2 What are your priorities?

B3 What is most important for each day?

B4 Find your priorities and keep them as much as possible.

A14 Bible reading/studying

B1 Read the Bible and study it every day.

B2 If it is a boring book to you, then examine yourself to see if you are really a Christian.

B3 Buy a well bound Bible, preferably a study Bible. Again there are many. You can search on line and many retailers have previews/samples of pages.

B4 Have a plan to read and study it.

B5 Search for online Bible study. My favorite is Blue Letter Bible, but there are many.

A15 Worship together

B1 Have daily family devotions from the Bible, not just any book. Read it, explain it, apply it, memorize it together. Dad should take the lead.

B2 Attend a faithful Bible teaching church together.

A16 Enjoy your family.

6 things about marriage?

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18 NKJV)

The word for "helper" is ēzer. It is help or aid NOT in the sense of a lesser helping a greater. It is used for one who is necessary to whatever needs to be done. In other words Adam could not have done the duties that God gave him unless he had this helper. The word is also used for divine aid as in Psalm 121:1-2.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NKJV)

It is here and elsewhere that the partner in marriage is the opposite gender, thus, male and female and no other combination. See also Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 19:3-9, 1 Corinthians 7:2-4, etc.

A wife is good to have. This passage would also refer to the wife having a husband.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22ESV)

Government

Can define marriage to whatever they want as in male/male, female/female, male/female, human and animal, incestuous, sibling marriage, polygamy, adult/child, etc. For a longer list of types of marriages see here towards the bottom of the article.

What is marriage?

Bond

It is a commitment of two people to each other.

It is a blending of two persons to one goal and life. The goal is defined by the two involved.

The word "bond" does not refer to chains and fetters. It refers to the tie of affection towards one another and in this case marriage. "Something that gives people or groups a reason to love each other or feel they have a duty to each other. (Macmillan Dictionary's entry "Bond").

Intellectual

A problem is sometimes better solved if two people are involved who have common interests. One may see the other's mistake or know of a better approach due to experience.

One may have a better education in a topic or some experience in that area in question.

Wisdom (common sense)

One may see the others foolish, naïve, or ignorant decision and be able to correct them.

One may be wiser than the other.

Spiritual

The spiritual bond would include worship together.

Each person may have a different spiritual gift to compliment the others.

Emotional

Emotional bonds would include:

Goals of working together to reach goals. Two dedicated people may/probably have greater success than one person.

Defeats and troubles. Having two who are as close as marriage is can talk, listen, and support each other through a difficulty.

Happy times. Celebrating these good times together is much more meaningful.

Physical

Physical intimacy with the one most special person in your life.

Mutually bringing physical intimacy in each other completely.

Consider these sources for more benefits here, here, and here (the article has some legal benefits per the USA government).

How to make your children angry

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21, EMTV)

Here are 32 ways to make your child(ren) angry.

1 Setting unrealistic goals. Demanding too much from them as in expecting a 5 year old to read at the 12th grade level or to have all "A's" in school.

2 Abuse them in any way.

3 Let them run wild without learning any self-control.

4 Lying to them.

5 Lying about them.

6 Treat them like they are worthless.

7 Be inconsistent. Have them obey one rule for one child and the other doesn't have to, or have all obey a rule for a while and then not obey for a while then return to obeying the rule.

8 Criticize your spouse in front of the children.

9 Never show love or kindness to your spouse, your children, or the pets.

10 Never allow them to express their opinion.

11 When your child asks you why they have to do something tell them, "Because I said so."

12 Often when a child is hurt frequently (as in abuse or a lack of love), they become bitter. When bitterness goes on and on, they become angry. If the irritant (as abuse or lack of love) continue, it might be hate. If hate remains, it may lead to murder. Consider Absalom, King David's son.

13 Always tell them what not to do, but never tell them the right way to do something.

14 Criticize them frequently.

15 Never listen to them.

16 Break your promises to them.

17 Falsely accuse them of something.

18 Play favorites.

19 Never praise a child for anything good they do. Always point out there faults and weaknesses.

20 Never take an interest in what they are doing. For example, they may say to you, "Daddy, look at this pretty picture I drew for you." If your child is doing something special in school, never ask how they are doing, never show up when they do this special thing, never listen to them when they tell you what award or honor they have achieved.

21 Tell them you hate them.

22 Tell them they are in your way.

23 Tell them you wish they were never born.

24 Never be sympathetic or empathetic.

25 Have your child be your therapist as in telling them all your worries, fears, sins, etc.

26 Overprotect your child.

27 Never let your child experience failure. Always cover up for their mistakes and blame someone else.

28 Never let your child make a decision. Make all their decisions for them.

29 Don't do anything with your child. Maybe you like fishing, so don't take them with you. Maybe they like fishing, so don't take them fishing.

30 Yell at them a lot.

31 Be arrogant.

32 Tease them about their looks.

Some Things about Families

There is much to say about families in Scripture. There are rules, examples, and blessings (and promised difficulties) listed. Here are a very few plus a link to 8 Habits of the Happiest Families.

Teach the Scriptures:

1. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. (Deuteronomy 11:19, GNB92)
   
2. Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Who is the man who desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. (Psalms 34:11-16, NKJV)
   
3. The living, the living man, he shall praise You, as I do this day; the father shall make known Your truth to the children. (Isaiah 38:19, NKJV)
   

Worship God together: "And you shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant and the Levite, the stranger and the fatherless and the widow, who are within your gates. (Deuteronomy 16:14, NKJV)

Rules in the house: "…one ruling his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence; (for if one does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)." (1 Timothy 3:4-5, EMTV)

Learn to forgive:

1. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as also God in Christ forgave us. (Ephesians 4:32, EMTV)
   
2. Forbearing one another and forgiving yourselves, if anyone should have a complaint against any; just as Christ forgave you, so you also do. (Colossians 3:13, EMTV)
   

The state of the family is very important. God designed it that way. The 8 points in the article are meaningful.

8 habits of the happiest families

By Megan Gladwell

Published March 4, 2015

 

Avoid Marrying an Abuser

All people definitely need to avoid marrying an abuser. How can you tell one? This article offers some excellent. I have seen men and women who have been abused. One doesn't even need to ask. There may be the obvious like bruises, but the other signs are there, too. The best is to avoid.

Deal Breakers: Advice to Unmarried Women (and Daughters)

I think there are almost always red flags waving high and clear, but very few young people are willing to acknowledge them when passions are waving higher. We've all experienced this either in our own lives or as we've observed the lives of other young people. It's all about the "here and now." The FEELINGS. The romance. The dream. The excitement. The longings fulfilled.

Nobody wants to be practical. How dull.

The hard, stone-cold fact is, if a young person refuses to look carefully at the other person from all the angles, taking time to observe objectively and get the input of other objective observers, the feelings, romance, dream, excitement, and fulfilled longings will all end in a shocking and abrupt ending at the altar.

And then there's the long "and they lived…horribly ever after."

I'm not talking about the normal transition from the amazing drama of the dating days to the daily grind. Everyone goes through that and GROWS through that. I'm talking about when you wake up and realize with horror that you are married to an abusive spouse.

How can you avoid this? An abuser doesn't introduce himself like this, "Hello – it's nice to meet you. I'd like to take you on a whirlwind romance, sweep you off your feet, marry you, and then abuse you until death do us part."

The Bible has some advice, some guides, and some rules. Here are some:

1. Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NKJV)
   
2. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. (Malachi 2:15, NKJV)
   
3. Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28, GNB92)
   
4. In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7, GNB92)
   

Showing love to our spouse (or to be spouse) involves giving. Please read the article to avoid some heartache.

Parents Need to Ask Forgiveness, too

A message from Benjamin Watson

 

Today I had to ask my son for his forgiveness. Like many parents we've tried to teach our children how to treat others how they would like to be treated. We've talked about loving, sharing, and respecting each other. We teach our kids to bless others who may be less fortunate. They routinely ask us for ways they can help the homeless and hungry among us. As Christians, we teach them about the God who created them, and who sent his Son in order to bring them eternal life and relationship with himself. We pray together as a family at night and attend church regularly. Sounds pretty good huh? We are intentional about instilling values in our children because we want them to enjoy proper fellowship with their fellow man as well as their Heavenly Father. We want them to become well rounded, mature adults who are emotionally, physically and spiritually developed. AND most importantly, we don't want them to HIT, SPIT AT, FIGHT, or BITE each other, or do anything else that causes Mommy or Daddy to yell, "STOP IT" 45 times!!!!

Every few nights we sing songs before bed. One favorite goes like this,

"Be ye kind, one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another even as Christ has forgiven you. E-phe-sians four thirty two, ba dum, ba dum, E-phe-sians four thirty two, ba dum, ba dum." (Ephesians 4:32)

Honestly, when we sing that song I'm hoping THEY internalize those words and I don't have to discipline, correct or separate anyone for at least a couple hours. 
But today, I was the one who wasn't kind, or tender hearted and had to ask forgiveness from my child. Sparing all the details, I will say I became agitated because my son, instead of asking for help to get his clothes off for bath time began to cry uncontrollably out of frustration. I instructed him and implored him about what he should do and how he should ask, to no avail. The tears were in full force. At this point I became angry, my tone changed, and while I never insulted him (calling him a crybaby) I was not communicating with him in a kind, tender hearted or loving way. I was the antithesis of that song and that verse.

After quickly bathing and dressing him he went downstairs and I went to my room, convicted by the Holy Spirit. And so, I, the daddy, the teacher, the "mature" one, went downstairs and begged for my son's forgiveness. He gave me one of the best hugs I've ever had. Thank God children don't hold grudges very long!

Sometimes, parenting will drive you to your limits. These children that give us so much joy can drive us to our wits end, testing every fiber of our patience. As we teach them right and wrong we must ALWAYS be willing to DEMONSTRATE right and wrong. All the church songs, Bible verses, core values and morals will mean nothing to them as they grow older if we don't live them out in our daily lives. This includes admitting our shortcomings. We must be willing to humble ourselves and ask them for forgiveness when we mistreat them. In word, thought or deed, it will happen. Even the most devoted parents will fall short of perfection at times. When this happens we must be willing to show our children, that while they must obey us, we in turn must obey God. And if that means a 34 year old telling a 3 year old he's sorry, and asking for forgiveness. So be it.

Now I'm the one in tears.

Success or How to be Successful this Year

Many articles and seminars are created every year. They all promise steps to success. Does the Bible have anything to say about being successful?

BLESSED is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper. The ungodly are not so, But are like the chaff which the wind drives away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish. (Psalms 1:1-6, NKJV)

What is success? The main meaning has to do with reaching a goal.

Success can be for good things as health or lose weight. It can also be used for evil things as theft or manipulation (Psalm 37:7).

Being successful in light of eternity and in God's eyes depends on our goals. For the Christian the goals should be to glorify God and bear good fruit for Him. Some of this fruit is mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23).

Some steps for reaching these goals are:

1. Have as your friends and the people you hang around with are not ungodly, scornful sinners (Psalm 1:1). In 1 Kings 12:10 King Rehoboam sought advice how and what to answer the question from the people about taxes. The older men gave advice to lower the burden they must carry (lower their taxes) while the young men replied that they should increase them. There was a civil war resulting in the division of Israel into Israel and Judah. One can only know who is an ungodly sinner by knowing the rules that the Lord Jesus gave. Scornful people are those who mock God and His ways of living.


2. Bible study. This is not just reading the Bible every day but thinking about what each word means and how it applies. Read the Bible, look up words through their Strong's number, think about each word in its context emphasizing it as you think about it, and then apply it to your life. The Blue Letter Bible cite can help you in your study.


3. Prayer. Every day take 5 minutes to pray thanking God for the good things He has done, asking for the needs of others, and asking for wisdom for whatever decisions you need to make that day.


4. Forgive. We must forgive others the wrongs they have done. Forgiving someone does not mean that they will never be punished but is placing that person in God's hands to hopefully repent or else punish, and His punishment is always just right. The Lord Jesus was praying that His Father would forgive Jesus's enemies while Jesus was suffering on the cross (Luke 23:34).


5. Show, live, talk, think the ways of God. Our thoughts, desires, words, and deeds to all should be of the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).