A Few Thoughts About the Beauty in Marriage

Marriage

B1 Body

C1 Container. This is an illustration for the sexual need in humans. The idea of a comes from of idea of emotional needs, etc.

E1 Keeping the Love Tank Full

E2 This idea was popularized by Dr. Ross Campbell. Here is one review (PDF). I believe the book is still for sale.

D1 A man has a sexual container to enjoy his wife’s beauty. This container needs to be filled up. It cannot be filled in only a minute.

D2 A woman has a sexual container to have her husband enjoy her beauty. This container needs to be filled up. This too, cannot be filled in only a minute.

D3 This enjoyment has to be done by all the senses: eyes (seeing), taste (kissing), feel (touching), smell (perfume, etc.), hearing (communication).

D4 Some verses to give you the idea:

E1 Eyes

F1 Song of Solomon 1:10 GNB Your hair is beautiful upon your cheeks and falls along your neck like jewels.

F2 Song of Solomon 4:5 GNB Your breasts are like gazelles, twin deer feeding among lilies.

E2 Taste

F1 Song of Solomon 1:2 GNB Your lips cover me with kisses; your love is better than wine.

F2 Song of Solomon 4:11 GNB The taste of honey is on your lips, my darling; your tongue is milk and honey for me. Your clothing has all the fragrance of Lebanon.

E3 Feel

F1 Song of Solomon 1:13 GNB My lover has the scent of myrrh as he lies upon my breasts.

F2 Song of Solomon 2:6 GNB His left hand is under my head, and his right hand caresses me.

E4 Smell

F1 Song of Solomon 1:3 GNB There is a fragrance about you; the sound of your name recalls it. No woman could keep from loving you.

F2 Song of Solomon 1:12 GNB My king was lying on his couch, and my perfume filled the air with fragrance.

E5 Hearing

F1 Song of Solomon 1:15-16 GNB How beautiful you are, my love; how your eyes shine with love! 16 How handsome you are, my dearest; how you delight me! The green grass will be our bed.

F2 Note hearing, seeing, and hearing: Song of Solomon 2:14 GNB You are like a dove that hides in the crevice of a rock. Let me see your lovely face and hear your enchanting voice.

F3 Song of Solomon 4:1 GNB How beautiful you are, my love! How your eyes shine with love behind your veil. Your hair dances like a flock of goats bounding down the hills of Gilead.

C2 Eventually we all get into middle age and beyond, and our bodies don’t look like they did when we were in our 20s. Pregnancy changes this also (a good article is A Mom’s Body Change After Pregnancy) [When I find the link, I’ll update the article.]

D1 Your wife/your husband still needs these things. You still need to enjoy her beauty and let her know this.

D2 It is evil to look around at others. It happens, but it is evil.

E1 Exodus 20:14 NLT You must not commit adultery.

E2 Think of the 10 Commandments as a set, each of the 10 Commandments as a subset, and each subset having every possible sin. In our quote above, this subset of adultery includes every sexual sin possible. Thus porn, etc. is wrong, sin, evil, condemned by God, etc.

E3 Hebrews 13:4 NLT Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

D3 Both husband and wife are to enjoy sex. 1 Corinthians 7:3 NLT The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.

E1 Sex is not just the release. It is both of them enjoying physical pleasure. Both need time to enjoy this pleasure. It is not something that happens in a couple of minutes.

E2 The wife can refuse, and the husband must submit. However, it should not be often. See the verses below:

F1 She can refuse: 1 Corinthians 7:4 NIV The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

F2 There is a time limit: 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

B2 Soul

C1 This is the beauty of each other’s character, personality, gifts, abilities, likes, and dislikes, etc. It is what makes each of us unique.

C2 We are to enjoy each emotionally, intellectually, and daily living.

C3 The more compatible we are, the easier this is to do. [See note 3]

C4 Take time with each other to work together, chore together, laugh together, work on family situations together, plan together, think together, eat together, listen to each other, help each other, encourage each other, be kind to each other, be compassionate to each other, forgive each other, console each other, be aware of each other’s needs, frustrations, hard day at work, etc.

C5 Live love the way God has instructed us [See note 4]. These things should be between both of us: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never ends,

C6 Wives do give good counsel. There is safety in a multitude of counselors: God first, Bible, spouse (yes the wife counsel is important, too), etc.

D1 Moses didn’t listen to his wife’s counsel, so God came to kill Moses: Exodus 4:24-26 NET Now on the way, at a place where they stopped for the night, the LORD met Moses and sought to kill him. 25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off the foreskin of her son and touched it to Moses' feet, and said, "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me." 26 So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said, "A bridegroom of blood," referring to the circumcision.)

D2 Pilate: Matthew 27:19 NET As he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent a message to him: "Have nothing to do with that innocent man; I have suffered greatly as a result of a dream about him today."

B3 Spirit

C1 For the Christian, this is a life of worship together, serving God together, and fellowship with God and His people together. We are to be seeing in our wife or in our husband the following beautiful things:

D1 Seeing the beauty of your spouse as you celebrate God, His worldview, His lifestyle, His attributes, His beliefs (doctrines), His Gospel, His care, and His people.

D2 Seeing the gifts of the Spirit in your spouse. Both wife and husband have gifts of the Spirit.

E1 Romans 12:6-8 NIV We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. [See note 1 and 2 below]

E2 Also see 1 Peter 4:10-11, 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, Ephesians 4:11-16, James 1:17, etc.

C2 The following are rules for the whole church, but I am applying these today to our marriages. Husband and wife living this type life serving, God, each other, fellow believers, and everyone else:

D1 Romans 12:9-21 NIV Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

D2 Husband and wife are to living, thinking, applying, doing the above in private and publicly—firstly to your spouse, secondly to the rest of your immediate family, thirdly to the believers you fellowship with, fourthly to believers worldwide, and lastly to everyone else.

Unity

B1 It is required:

C1 Genesis 2:24 NLT This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

C2 If we are to have fellowship with God and fellow believers, then it is more so to have fellowship with our spouse: 1 John 1:3 NIV We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.

B2 This verse is a principle of doing something together, being yoked together, so partnerships, fellowship in church, business, marriage, etc. Husband and wife are to be yoked together:

C1 Everything in creation was pronounced good, except that Adam was left alone. Eve was then created for Adam to have fellowship and a thinking mate for counsel and consoling. Adam did not have all the gifts and ability to take care of the Garden; God made it so. Eve had the other gifts and ability needed to work together. They were yoked together.

C2 2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

C3 This was written to the congregation at Rome, but I believe it can be applied to marriage as well. You decide. Romans 15:5-7 NIV May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

[All emphasis is mine]

Note 1: Prophecy is not a gift in use today. Maybe you believe so, but I am not here to fight about this but the qualifications are 100% correct in the doctrine that one teaches, the advice that one offers, the wisdom, the rebukes, the warnings, even speaking future events. There is simply no one who could be qualified by the Apostles of Jesus Christ, since they are no longer living on earth. The so-called apostles of today have no proof that they meet God’s qualifications of Acts 1:21-22, 1 Corinthians 1:9 (Paul had witnesses), 2 Corinthians 12:12, Revelation 2:2. If there are no apostles to authenticate them. There is no way to know if they are prophets or not.

Note 2: I would agree with this: Are there prophets in the church today?

Note 3: Compatibility Sources but be aware not all have Biblical ideals

B1 Free Quiz with Marriage Compatibility Questions

B2 Marriage Compatibility 7 Critical Areas to Evaluate (Note this site evidently teaches courtship, so be aware).

B3 Pre-Marriage Awareness Questionnaire (PDF)

Note 4: The 5 Love Languages Quiz

Marriage: The Foundation for Family and Discipleship

Theme: God created marriage

Scriptures: Genesis 2:18-24, Genesis 3:1-18, and Ephesians 5:22-23

Objectives: (From the D6 Fusion Sunday School Lesson book)

Know: God created marriage, and intends for a husband and wife to experience oneness through that relationship.

Think: My goal is to experience oneness with God and with my spouse.

Do: Recognize and follow biblical guidelines for marriage.

Notes and questions:

B1 What is marriage?

B2 Genesis 2:18-24,

C1 The word for man in Genesis 2:18 is אָדָם 'adam. It is a masculine noun.

C2 The word for help is עֵזֶר `ezer.

D1 It means help or assistance.

D2 It is usually used in a military sense as Deuteronomy 33:7 NKJV And this he said of Judah: “Hear, LORD, the voice of Judah, And bring him to his people; Let his hands be sufficient for him, And may You be a help against his enemies.”

D3 It is also used for someone helping as Psalms 33:20 NKJV Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.  

D4 Also, Psalms 121:1-2 NKJV I Will lift up my eyes to the hills– From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.

D5 What kind of help, assistance, did the Psalmist need?

D6 What kind of help, assistance, would Adam need?

D7 Was Adam lacking something?

D8 Was the help Adam needed just an assistant, a slave, to do his bidding?

D9 Was the help Adam needed was a partner to face life together?

C3 All livestock, birds, and all other animals were named by Adam, but there was not one that could be his helper. Why did not these meet Adam’s need?

C4 In Genesis 2:24 how many types of marriage meet God’s standard?

C5 The principle of one flesh

D1 One in body, soul, and spirit. One physically, emotionally, intellectually, in worship, in prayer, in troubles, in joys, whatever. Oneness in purpose. It is facing life together as a team.

D2 Other verses with oneness in the same sense

E1 John 10:16 NKJV “And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.

E2 John 17:11 NKJV Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are.

E3 Ephesians 4:4-6 NKJV There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

D3 If there is fighting, how can there be oneness?

D4 How can oneness be promoted, encouraged, assisted?

D5 How can husband and wife promote this in their marriage?

D6 How can the church help?

B3 Genesis 3:1-18,

C1 Eve was deceived. Does this mean that men are not deceived or less deceived?

C2 Adam sinned with purpose and knowledge. What was the result? (Romans 5:12 NKJV  Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned).

C3 What happened to their oneness after they both sinned?

C4 What happened to their oneness with God?

C5 What does being reconciled with God mean?

D1 Romans 5:10 NKJV For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

D2 2 Corinthians 5:18 NKJV  Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

C6 Genesis 3:7 NKJV Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.

D1 What were the eyes closed to before they sinned?

D2 Why did nakedness bother them now?

D3 How did sin affect their oneness and their marriage?

D4 How does sin affect us?

C7 Genesis 3:8 NKJV And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

D1 Why did they hide?

D2 What did God want?

C8 Genesis 3:12 NKJV Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”

D1 Is Adam helping the oneness of his marriage?

D2 Why wasn’t he honest?

C3 Who is really being blamed for the sin?

C9 Genesis 3:13 NKJV And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

D1 At least Eve tells the truth.

D2 Why is confessing to God good?

C10 Genesis 3:14-15, is there anything good in God’s curse?

C11 Genesis 3:16

D1 Versions

E1 NKJV To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”

E2 ESV  To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

E3 NLT Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband,but he will rule over you.

E4 GNB  And he said to the woman, "I will increase your trouble in pregnancy and your pain in giving birth. In spite of this, you will still have desire for your husband, yet you will be subject to him.

D2 Susan Foh in 1974 wrote an article on the meaning of Genesis 3:16, “What is the Woman’s Desire?”   An seasoned Christian response to this can be found: THE DESIRE OF THE WOMAN: A RESPONSE TO SUSAN FOH’S INTERPRETATION

D3 The most common view is that Eve now had the desire to rule, boss, her husband. Knowing this, God cursed Eve and commanded her to submit to her husband in all things.

D4 This is wrong because:

E1 The word desire is תְּשׁוּקָה tshuwqa. This word means longing and desire. So, what kind of desire? It depends on the context.

E2 It is used 3 times in the Old Testament:

F1 Genesis 3:16 (our passage)

F2 Genesis 4:7 NKJV “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

F3 Song of Solomon 7:10 NKJV I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me.

E3 Genesis 4:7 Understanding it in context: Sins longs for, desires, lusts, for you to sin. This is mainly a spiritual longing, sin wants him to sin: James 1:14-15 NKJV But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. The Greek word for desire is ἐπιθυμία epithumia, which means a longing for.

E4 Song of Solomon 7:10 Understanding it in context: The wife notes her husband’s desire for her. This is mainly a physical longing.

E5 So in Genesis 3:16, I believe is best understood as (to paraphrase) “I can see you are very angry. He has blamed you and me for his rebellion, and you would like to wring his neck. What is better is for you to still desire him (physically), and even though he made an evil decision, he still is your husband.” The he shall rule means that he is to have the last word in a decision. It does NOT mean his way or no way, for that is hate instead of love and will never have another answer to prayer: 1 Peter 3:7 GNB  In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.

D5 Egalitarian or complementarian? This is my personal view

E1 Egalitarian

F1 In nursing for over 40 years, my immediate manager was always a woman. I had a few male supervisors in charge after the manager went home and a few CEO’s as well.

F2 President can be a woman.

F3 Seminary class teacher can be a woman.

F4 Deaconesses are necessary.

F5 CEO of large corporations can be a woman.

F6 So in all areas of living, a woman is often the best.

E2 Complementarian

F1 In marriage, the range is from patriarchy to matriarchy.

G1 The strong patriarchy is the wife has little or no input.

G2 The strong matriarchy is where the husband has little or no input.

G3 The strong versions usually are dominated by either a narcissist or psychopath.

F2 Both are not good.

F3 I hold to a 51-49% husband/wife.

F4 We are partners, teammates, going through life together. A problem arises, we discuss it, and arrive at a solution. This solution is not just the husband’s or the wife’s. It is together in agreement. Sometimes the solution is not easy and will differ greatly. Then the wife should yield to her husband. If that solution works out—fine. If it does not, the husband must yield to the wife’s solution.

B4 Ephesians 5:22-23,

C1 Reviewing Ephesians 5:21 WEL  Place yourselves under one another in the fear of God.

Other versions use submit, etc. The Greek word ὑποτάσσω hupotasso means to place under. Blue Letter Bible has this comment under the heading Outline of Biblical Usage: This word was a Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden." There is no idea of resistance as submit, subject, submission has in English.

C2 Ephesians 5:22-23 WEL 22 Wives place yourselves under your own husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the congregation, and Himself is savior of the body.

C3 What does your own husband imply?

C4 How is Jesus the Messiah head of the church (Congregation)?

C5 What is the body in Ephesians 5:23?

B5 Other questions:

C1 Oneness

D1 What is oneness with God?

D2 What is oneness with our spouse?

D3 How is oneness with God broken?

D4 How is oneness with our spouse broken?

D5 How can oneness be restored with God?

D6 How can oneness be restored with our spouse?

D7 Can an atheist have oneness with his/her spouse?

D8 How did Adam’s sin change oneness with God?

D9 How did Adam’s sin change oneness with Eve?

C2 What style of leadership does God use—shepherd or hunter?

D1 Shepherd

E1 Psalms 23:1-6 NKJV The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.

E2 John 10:27 NKJV My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. No whip is required—Elon J. Gane.

D2 Hunter

E1 Genesis 10:8-9 ISV Cush fathered Nimrod, who became the first fearless leader throughout the land. He became a fearless hunter in defiance of the Lord. That is why it is said, “Like Nimrod, a fearless hunter in defiance of the Lord.

E2 Matthew 20:25 GNB92 So Jesus called them all together and said, “You know that the rulers of the heathen have power over them, and the leaders have complete authority.

C3 If husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, how are we to show this?

C4 How are wives to show respect for their husbands?

C5 Can our marriage be a witness to nonbelievers?

B6 Next week:

C1 When families are not perfect

C2 Theme: Biblical families

C3 Scriptures

D1 Genesis 17:9

D2 Genesis 17:15-19

D3 Esther 2:5-7

D4 Acts 16:1

D5 2 Timothy 1:5

D6 Titus 1:4