Raising Children

Raising Children



A1 Be Christian

B1 Salvation

C1 This is the highest and most important. If you don't know this or are confused, see NeedGod.com

C2 The importance of this is to have God's help to lead your children to a knowledge and belief in the Gospel.

B2 God has highest authority in life (and everything else)

A2 Act Christian—There is no time for hypocrites. The children will quickly see through your façade.


A3 Love—God's love

B1 1 Corinthians 13 is God's definition of love.

B2 Love is a choice, not necessarily a feeling.

B3 Love your spouse according to 1 Corinthians 13.

B4 Honor God, then your spouse, then the children.

B5 When you come home from work, lay aside the work stresses and woes and take time to listen to your spouse and children.

B6 When the second child, etc., is born, give attention to the first born. Do this until they are older and know that you love both of them.

B7 Men help your wives. Don't be a lazy slacker. You can cook, do dishes, change diapers. Quit being a coward.

A4 Pray

B1 Prayer is talking to God.

B2 Pray for wisdom and guidance.

B3 Pray for the children.

A4 Be humble

B1 This is not weakness.

B2 This is not seeking your way all the time.

B3 This is always submitting to the truth, even if it hurts.

B4 This is asking forgiveness from your children and others when we have been wrong.

B5 For you deliver humble people, but haughty eyes you humiliate. (Psalms 18:27LEB)

B6 Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29LEB)

B7 But he gives greater grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."2 (James 4:6LEB)

A5 Consistency

B1 Inconsistency causes confusion, then hurt, then manipulation.

B2 Be consistent.

B3 If the children have rules, follow them yourself.

A6 Raise/teach/act the fruits of the Spirit

B1 Reject/teach to reject/act by rejecting the fruit of the flesh

B2 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, impurity, licentiousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, strife, jealousy, wrath, selfishness, divisions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like: of which I tell you beforehand, as I have also told you in time past, that they who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

C1 The first four deal with sexual sins.

C2 The next two deal with religious sins.

C3 The rest deal with sins against society.

C4 It is not enough to just tell them to not do these things.

D1 They must understand what they mean.

D2 They must know why.

B3 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, self-control: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:19-26KJ2000)

C1 All of the above need God's help, for they do not come naturally.

C2 All of the above not only help the individual but also society.

C3 Teach the children what they mean and why.

A7 Answer hard questions For example:

B1 How do I know there is a god?

B2 What is there evil is God is good?

B3 How do I know Jesus is God?

A8 Don't provoke to anger

B1 Abuse hurts—emotional, financial, physical, sexual, etc.

B2 Hurt leads to bitterness, then anger, then hate, then murder (suicide or homicide).

B3 Inconsistency, favoritism, treating your spouse badly, etc. are some other examples.

A9 Choices have consequences


A10 Be care of addictive habits

B1 Coffee is addictive but does not cloud the judgment.

B2 Drugs (even unneeded prescription drugs), alcohol, porn, etc. are addictive and cloud the judgment.

A11 Quiet

B1 Learn to speak quietly.

B2 Learn to listen intently. Know what the other person is saying.

B3 Look in their eyes when they are talking.

B4 Don't interrupt.

A12 Work ethic

B1 Have a job (if at all possible).

B2 Be on time.

B3 Do a good job.

B4 Have a job where you can be home as much as possible.

B5 Money is not the most important thing.

B6 Have chores for all the children.

B7 If possible live in the country, so all can learn gardening, animal care, and enjoy a less crowded life.

A13 Learn to prioritize

B1 Somethings are more important than money.

B2 What are your priorities?

B3 What is most important for each day?

B4 Find your priorities and keep them as much as possible.

A14 Bible reading/studying

B1 Read the Bible and study it every day.

B2 If it is a boring book to you, then examine yourself to see if you are really a Christian.

B3 Buy a well bound Bible, preferably a study Bible. Again there are many. You can search on line and many retailers have previews/samples of pages.

B4 Have a plan to read and study it.

B5 Search for online Bible study. My favorite is Blue Letter Bible, but there are many.

A15 Worship together

B1 Have daily family devotions from the Bible, not just any book. Read it, explain it, apply it, memorize it together. Dad should take the lead.

B2 Attend a faithful Bible teaching church together.

A16 Enjoy your family.

How to make your children angry

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21, EMTV)

Here are 32 ways to make your child(ren) angry.

1 Setting unrealistic goals. Demanding too much from them as in expecting a 5 year old to read at the 12th grade level or to have all "A's" in school.

2 Abuse them in any way.

3 Let them run wild without learning any self-control.

4 Lying to them.

5 Lying about them.

6 Treat them like they are worthless.

7 Be inconsistent. Have them obey one rule for one child and the other doesn't have to, or have all obey a rule for a while and then not obey for a while then return to obeying the rule.

8 Criticize your spouse in front of the children.

9 Never show love or kindness to your spouse, your children, or the pets.

10 Never allow them to express their opinion.

11 When your child asks you why they have to do something tell them, "Because I said so."

12 Often when a child is hurt frequently (as in abuse or a lack of love), they become bitter. When bitterness goes on and on, they become angry. If the irritant (as abuse or lack of love) continue, it might be hate. If hate remains, it may lead to murder. Consider Absalom, King David's son.

13 Always tell them what not to do, but never tell them the right way to do something.

14 Criticize them frequently.

15 Never listen to them.

16 Break your promises to them.

17 Falsely accuse them of something.

18 Play favorites.

19 Never praise a child for anything good they do. Always point out there faults and weaknesses.

20 Never take an interest in what they are doing. For example, they may say to you, "Daddy, look at this pretty picture I drew for you." If your child is doing something special in school, never ask how they are doing, never show up when they do this special thing, never listen to them when they tell you what award or honor they have achieved.

21 Tell them you hate them.

22 Tell them they are in your way.

23 Tell them you wish they were never born.

24 Never be sympathetic or empathetic.

25 Have your child be your therapist as in telling them all your worries, fears, sins, etc.

26 Overprotect your child.

27 Never let your child experience failure. Always cover up for their mistakes and blame someone else.

28 Never let your child make a decision. Make all their decisions for them.

29 Don't do anything with your child. Maybe you like fishing, so don't take them with you. Maybe they like fishing, so don't take them fishing.

30 Yell at them a lot.

31 Be arrogant.

32 Tease them about their looks.

Parents Need to Ask Forgiveness, too

A message from Benjamin Watson

 

Today I had to ask my son for his forgiveness. Like many parents we've tried to teach our children how to treat others how they would like to be treated. We've talked about loving, sharing, and respecting each other. We teach our kids to bless others who may be less fortunate. They routinely ask us for ways they can help the homeless and hungry among us. As Christians, we teach them about the God who created them, and who sent his Son in order to bring them eternal life and relationship with himself. We pray together as a family at night and attend church regularly. Sounds pretty good huh? We are intentional about instilling values in our children because we want them to enjoy proper fellowship with their fellow man as well as their Heavenly Father. We want them to become well rounded, mature adults who are emotionally, physically and spiritually developed. AND most importantly, we don't want them to HIT, SPIT AT, FIGHT, or BITE each other, or do anything else that causes Mommy or Daddy to yell, "STOP IT" 45 times!!!!

Every few nights we sing songs before bed. One favorite goes like this,

"Be ye kind, one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another even as Christ has forgiven you. E-phe-sians four thirty two, ba dum, ba dum, E-phe-sians four thirty two, ba dum, ba dum." (Ephesians 4:32)

Honestly, when we sing that song I'm hoping THEY internalize those words and I don't have to discipline, correct or separate anyone for at least a couple hours. 
But today, I was the one who wasn't kind, or tender hearted and had to ask forgiveness from my child. Sparing all the details, I will say I became agitated because my son, instead of asking for help to get his clothes off for bath time began to cry uncontrollably out of frustration. I instructed him and implored him about what he should do and how he should ask, to no avail. The tears were in full force. At this point I became angry, my tone changed, and while I never insulted him (calling him a crybaby) I was not communicating with him in a kind, tender hearted or loving way. I was the antithesis of that song and that verse.

After quickly bathing and dressing him he went downstairs and I went to my room, convicted by the Holy Spirit. And so, I, the daddy, the teacher, the "mature" one, went downstairs and begged for my son's forgiveness. He gave me one of the best hugs I've ever had. Thank God children don't hold grudges very long!

Sometimes, parenting will drive you to your limits. These children that give us so much joy can drive us to our wits end, testing every fiber of our patience. As we teach them right and wrong we must ALWAYS be willing to DEMONSTRATE right and wrong. All the church songs, Bible verses, core values and morals will mean nothing to them as they grow older if we don't live them out in our daily lives. This includes admitting our shortcomings. We must be willing to humble ourselves and ask them for forgiveness when we mistreat them. In word, thought or deed, it will happen. Even the most devoted parents will fall short of perfection at times. When this happens we must be willing to show our children, that while they must obey us, we in turn must obey God. And if that means a 34 year old telling a 3 year old he's sorry, and asking for forgiveness. So be it.

Now I'm the one in tears.

3 Important Standards of Diligence

Benjamin Watson, an American football tight end for the New Orleans Saints, has written an article, "Teaching Your Kids to Finish Strong." He gives 3 important points of not only starting with our best but finishing with our best. Even though the article deals with points of raising our children, the application to the Christian faith is obvious.

The 3 points are

1. Perseverance in Difficulty
   
2. Moral Character
   
3. A Commitment to Excellence
   

All Christians are called to preserve. There is no room for quitting when times get tough.

All Christians are called to have the moral character that pleases God. He watches our actions and motives. He encourages us and helps us in our race.

All Christians are called to excellence. There is no room for half-hearted Christians. It is all or nothing. Is your/my prayer life just one minute long? Is our Bible reading/studying only a couple of verses with an attitude well that is good enough?

A Christian must give it our all to finish strong. It is an attitude encouraged and helped by God Himself. Are we willing and will get to action?

I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7, EMTV).

(See 1 Timothy 6:12, John 4:34 (Jesus is an example of how to finish strong), 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Philippians 3:14, and Hebrews 12:1).