A Few Thoughts about Marriage Issues

Submit and obey definitions

B1 Submit

C1 English

D1 to accept that someone has defeated you or has power over you

submit to (Source)

D2 Accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person (Source)

C2 Greek

D1 The Greek word is ὑποτάσσω hypotássō.

D2 There is both a military and non-military usage: This word was a Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden. (Source) Amenable might be the closest English word: [amenable: open or susceptible to suggestion; likely to listen, cooperate, etc. Source]

D3 Ephesians 5:21-22 WEL Be amenable to one another in the fear of God. [amenable: open or susceptible to suggestion; likely to listen, cooperate, etc. Source] 22 Wives be amenable to your own husbands as to the Lord.

B2 Obey

C1 English (Source)

D1 to follow the commands or guidance of He always obeys his parents

D2 to conform to or comply with

C2 Greek

D1 Verse: 1 Peter 3:6 NKJV as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

E1 Peter quotes Genesis 18:12 NKJV Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"

E2 The Hebrew word for lord is אָדוֹן ʼâdôwn. It means everything from owner, to boss (as king, etc.), and to God. It is also used as a term of respect much as we might say, “Yes, sir,” or “Yes, Madam.” It is not always used in the sense of someone who is an owner or king of the wife, etc.

F1 Genesis 23:5-6

G1 KJV: Genesis 23:5-6 KJV And the children of Heth answered Abraham, saying unto him, 6 Hear us, my lord: thou [art] a mighty prince among us: in the choice of our sepulchres bury thy dead; none of us shall withhold from thee his sepulchre, but that thou mayest bury thy dead.

G2 NIV: Genesis 23:5-6 NIV The Hittites replied to Abraham, 6 "Sir, listen to us. You are a mighty prince among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb for burying your dead."

G3 Comment. Abraham never was their king, boss, governor, etc. Abraham never ruled over the Hittites.

F2 Similar, but not common, uses are found in 2 Kings 8:12, Ruth 2:13, Genesis 32:4, Genesis 43:20, etc.

D2 Greek word is ὑπακούω hypakoúō. It means obey, that is, hear and do (for humans) and accomplished (non-human). The request must be heard, then it must be done. This is the meaning of obey.

D3 Other verses:

E1 Ephesians 6:1 KJV Children, obey [G5219] your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

E2 2 Thessalonians 3:14 KJV And if any man obey [G5219] not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.

E3 Hebrews 5:9 KJV And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey [G5219] him.

A woman: without her, man is nothing. For the quote see here.

B1 Scripture:

Genesis 2:7, 15-18, 21 NIV Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. ... 15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die." 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." ... 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.

B2 Comment:

C1 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

C2 Adam did not have everything needed to effectively do his mission. As an example, consider that there 10 gifts needed to govern and carry out his mission. Adam has 5 and Eve has 5 different gifts. Together they have the complete gifts needed to carry out God’s mission for them. The principle learned is that no one has all the gifts to live life. In marriage with the problems that arise, both husband and wife have gifts for solving the problem.

Mutuality in physical love

B1 Verse: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 GW Husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs. 4 A wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband doesn't have authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Don't withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together so that Satan doesn't use your lack of self-control to tempt you.

B2 A husband cannot override his wife. If she is sick, tired, etc., she can refuse, and the husband must submit. Likewise, if he is tired or whatever, she must refrain her desires. Refraining from each other should be limited, for the Scriptures teach only for a brief time to give themselves to prayer. Note you must both agree to abstain. It is not just the husband’s.

Making decisions:

B1 Verse example: 1 Kings 22:19-23 NLT Then Micaiah continued, “Listen to what the LORD says! I saw the LORD sitting on his throne with all the armies of heaven around him, on his right and on his left. 20 And the LORD said, ‘Who can entice Ahab to go into battle against Ramoth-gilead so he can be killed?’ “There were many suggestions, 21 and finally a spirit approached the LORD and said, ‘I can do it!’ 22 “‘How will you do this?’ the LORD asked. “And the spirit replied, ‘I will go out and inspire all of Ahab’s prophets to speak lies.’ “‘You will succeed,’ said the LORD. ‘Go ahead and do it.’ 23 “So you see, the LORD has put a lying spirit in the mouths of all your prophets. For the LORD has pronounced your doom.”

B2 The principle taught is for us to seek viable solutions for a situation, problem, difficulty, etc. It is not always the husband’s will. The wife should be informed, consulted, genuinely listened to, and fully respected. If all decisions are only the husbands, then that husband is failing God’s will. The above passage is not teaching that God has the solution and that God is deceiving the spirits to make them happy thinking that their opinion is heard humors them for their opinion, but that opinion is meaningless. I believe that this passage teaches that God does seek on occasion genuine opinions. It is His style of leadership. We must adopt and conform to that style of leadership.

Love:

B1 Definitions

C1 ἀγάπη agápē:

D1 ISBE: Love, whether used of God or man, is an earnest and anxious desire for and an active and beneficent interest in the well-being of the one loved.

D2 TDNTa: Here is a love that makes distinctions, choosing its objects freely. Hence it is especially the love of a higher for a lower. It is active, not self-seeking love.

D3 This is love by choice. It is not forced or coerced. This is choosing to love and choosing loyalty.

D4 Examples:

E1 We don’t naturally love our enemies. We don’t emotionally love our enemies. It is a choice. Matthew 5:44 NASB But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

E2 Giving is voluntary. God chooses to love those who freely give. 2 Corinthians 9:7 NASB Each one [must do] just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

E3 God’s grace plus our active choice is necessary to comply with this verse: 1 John 2:15 NASB Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

C2 φιλέω philéō:

D1 The feeling of giving attention, concern, care, etc. It is usually applied to friendship.

D2 Examples (a few among many)

E1 Titus 3:15 NRSV All who are with me send greetings to you. Greet those who love us in the faith. Grace be with all of you.

E2 Matthew 6:5 EMTV And whenever you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites, because they love to pray standing in the synagogues, and on the street corners, so that they may be seen by men. Assuredly I say to you, that they receive their reward in full.

E3 Revelation 22:15 EMTV But outside are dogs and drug users and fornicators and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices a lie.

C3 Eros érōs:

D1 This is the feeling of ecstasy, bliss, and the feeling of wanting another to fulfill and cause this desire. It is associated with sex, food, power, etc.

D2 Also the idea of enjoyment.

D3 Examples (a few among many) For several other examples see here. Logos Bible can be bought here but is also found elsewhere.

E1 Proverbs 4:6 Logos Bible LXX And do not forsake it, and it shall cleave to you: love it, and it shall keep you.

E2 Esther 2:17 Logos Bible LXX And the king loved Esther, and she found favor beyond all the other virgins, and he put on her the queen's crown.

C4 Natural love:

D1 Greek

E1 στέργω stérgō which is not used in the Bible and means cherish.

E2 ἄστοργος ástorgos is the negative of the above word and is translated without natural affection in Romans 1:31 and 2 Timothy 3:3.

D2 This ( στέργω stérgō) is the natural love of parents for children and children for parents, etc.

B2 Actions: How love is seen in life. How do we know if there is love? These actions must be constant in public and private.

C1 Jesus

D1 Matthew 22:37-40 NLT Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

D2 The example from the teaching about the Good Samaritan as in Luke 10:30-37.

D3 John 14:15 NRSV If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

C2 Towards others as spouse, fellow believers, enemies, etc.

D1 Love is not in giving gifts, favors, and things. It is giving of ourselves, our attention, and our time.

D2 These actions are found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices with the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never falls away,

C3 If a person is not treated as taught in 1 Corinthians 13, it is doubtful that there is love as God defines it and loves.

C4 We are to treat our spouse with this kind of love including love for body, soul, and spirit. We are to be one with them in body, soul, and spirit. There is no idea of superiority or mastery. We worship as one. We work as one. We deal with problems and situations as one.

D1 Mark 10: 6-8 WEL “Moreover from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. 7 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 “And those two will be one flesh. So then, they are not two anymore but one flesh. [Genesis 2:24]

D2 One flesh has the idea of oneness is all areas. If I walk from one side of the room to the other, then my head moves, too, as well as my feet, arms, soul, and spirit. So, there is oneness between husband and wife in life. There can be this oneness even if separated physically by work, education, illness, etc.

C5 Spouses are to have fellowship with each other. Christians have fellowship with God, so we are to have fellowship with each other.

D1 Philippians 2:1 NLT Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate?

D2 1 John 1:3 MKJV that which we have seen and heard we declare unto you, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ.

D3 The principle of oneness is to be among Christians, so how much more our spouse. Acts 1:14 NASB These all with one mind were continually devoting themselves to prayer, along with [the] women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers.

D4 As is true for the church, so is true for marriage: John 17:21 GNB I pray that they may all be one. Father! May they be in us, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they be one, so that the world will believe that you sent me.

D5 The principle that we must live in public and private the same as we talk is for Christians towards each other so more so with our spouse. 1 John 1:6 EMTV If we claim that we have fellowship with Him, and we are walking in the darkness, we are lying, and are not practicing the truth.

Abuse, controlling attitudes and actions, force, manipulation, etc. is not love and God allows divorce in these cases. See Conditions for Christian Divorce Updated.

A Few Thoughts About Marriage, Money, and Budgets

Some quotes:

B1 Arguments about money hamper many marriages. If you consider that about a third of adults with partners report that money is a big source of conflict in their relationships, it's no wonder that financial problems are the leading cause of divorce. What you may not know is that the challenges can actually start even before you say "I do." (Source)

B2 One of the most common sources of conflict in marriage is money, how to spend it, and how to save for things that really matter. It doesn’t make sense when you think about it logically. Money is simple. Keeping a budget is something an 8-year-old can do. (Source)

B3 Finances are the leading cause of stress in a relationship, according to a survey of people in a relationship or partnership released Wednesday by SunTrust Bank. Some 35 percent of all respondents experiencing relationship stress said money was the primary cause of friction. (Annoying habits came in second, at 25 percent.) Among respondents with relationship stress aged 44 to 54, 44 percent said money was the primary cause. (Source)

B4 The number one issue couples fight about is also a topic many couples avoid discussing — money. According to a new survey by Ramsey Solutions, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. Results show that both high levels of debt and a lack of communication are major causes for the stress and anxiety surrounding household finances. (Source)

There is an answer

B1 Some basics

C1 All money, belongings, real estate, etc. is God’s: Psalms 24:1 GW A psalm by David. The earth and everything it contains are the LORD'S. The world and all who live in it are his.

C2 He supplies our needs: Philippians 4:19 NIV And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

C3 We need to be content with what we have: 1 Timothy 6:6 NIV But godliness with contentment is great gain.

C4 Covetousness is condemned: Luke 12:15 NLT Then he said, "Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.

B2 Priorities

C1 God’s kingdom, His worldview, His way of life occupy the highest and first priority: Luke 12:29-31 NLT And don't be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don't worry about such things. 30 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. 31 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.

C2 We are not to conform to the world’s covetous ways: Romans 12:2 GNB Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.

C3 Life and body are more important than food and clothing: Luke 12:23 Williams Your life is worth more than food, and your body more than clothes.

D1 The Greek word for life is ψυχή psychḗ and is usually translated as soul or mind.

D2 Believer's Bible Commentary by WILLIAM MACDONALD notes:

The emphasis of the NT is that the cause of Christ should have first place in our lives. Food and clothing should be subordinate. We should work hard for the supply of our current necessities, then trust God for the future as we plunge ourselves into His service. This is the life of faith.

When the Lord Jesus said that we should not worry about food and clothing, He did not mean that we were to sit idly and wait for these things to be provided. Christianity does not encourage laziness! But He certainly did mean that in the process of earning money for the necessities of life, we were not to let them assume undue importance. After all, there is something more important in life than what we eat and what we wear. We are here as ambassadors of the King, and all considerations of personal comfort and appearance must be subordinated to the one glorious task of making Him known.

D3 Philippians 3:8 GNB Not only those things; I reckon everything as complete loss for the sake of what is so much more valuable, the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have thrown everything away; I consider it all as mere garbage, so that I may gain Christ

Some ideas

B1 Have a budget. It’s not hard. You might want to consider Pear Budget.

B2 Plan priorities together. Agree with each other. This is no time to be the bully.

B3 God gets something first. Give to your local church first.

B4 Then give to the regular bills of housing, food, utilities, etc.

B5 Entertainment should be last. We can always find something relaxing for free.

B6 We don’t have to eat the greatest and best. We don’t have to eat out as often. Eat as a family.

C1 The Benefits of Eating Together For Children and Families

C2 9 Scientifically Proven Reasons to Eat Dinner as a Family

C3 Why the Family Meal Is Important

B7 Ways of saving money

C1 101 Ways To Save Money

C2 23 Easy Ways to Save More Money in 2020

B8 Live minimalistically

C1 Minimalist Living

C2 How To Start Living A Minimalist Lifestyle

Love each other:

B1 The acts of love: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never ends,

B2 All our doings are to be done in love: 1 Corinthians 16:14 GNB Do all your work in love.

B3 Serving each other, yes husbands are to do this too: Galatians 5:13 GW You were indeed called to be free, brothers and sisters. Don't turn this freedom into an excuse for your corrupt nature to express itself. Rather, serve each other through love.

God cares: Luke 12:6-7 NLT What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. 7 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

Give thanks to God: Ephesians 5:20 NLT And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

A Few Thoughts About Christ’s Respect for the Church

I’m writing this article in response to those who teach that husbands are to love their wives but not respect them, and those who teach the wife is to respect her husband. Respect, the way some of these teachers define it, borders on the idea of entitlement. Believe it or not it is rather common. One such book is Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. One of many critical reviews can be found here (note, I don’t endorse everything on that website).

Christ is head of the church:

B1 Ephesians 5:23 NIV For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

B2 Ephesians 1:22 NIV And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church,

The church is all believers from Pentecost to the Rapture

B1 Ephesians 1:23 NIV which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

B2 Romans 12:4-5 NLT Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5 so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

Christ is the bridegroom, the church is the bride (as understood by most commentators):

B1 Revelation 19:7-8 LEB Let us rejoice and be glad and give him the glory, because the wedding celebration of the Lamb has come, and his bride has prepared herself. 8 And it has been granted to her that she be dressed in bright, clean fine linen (for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints).

B2 2 Corinthians 11:2 NLT For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ.

Christ respects his “wife,” the church:

B1 Christ’s style of leadership is to delegate

C1 Proverbs 31:10-31 (The NLT gives the best rendition)

D1 The husband delegates managing the house to his wife: Proverbs 31:11 NLT Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

E1 The Hebrew word for trust is בָּטַח bâṭach.

E2 It means not to fear, have trust, have confidence in

D2 The wife assesses what needs to be done

D3 The wife delegates what needs to be done to her maids (servants), who do the work: Proverbs 31:15 NLT She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls.

D4 The wife goes out of the house to buy land, “makes sure her dealings are profitable,” and “she gives instructions with kindness.”

D5 She overseers the work done in the house: Proverbs 31:27 GW She keeps a close eye on the conduct of her family, and she does not eat the bread of idleness.

D6 She receives the credit for doing her work well: Proverbs 31:31 NLT Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

C2 God delegates

D1 Rule as with Adam & Eve: Genesis 1:26 CSB Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, the whole earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth." (Adam lost this when he sinned. So satan in now the power. The Lord Jesus will finish satan and destroy him totally, then the Lord Jesus will rule the earth from Jerusalem. See Zechariah 14 especially: Zechariah 14:9, 17 NLT And the LORD will be king over all the earth. On that day there will be one LORD—his name alone will be worshiped. ... 17 Any nation in the world that refuses to come to Jerusalem to worship the King, the LORD of Heaven's Armies, will have no rain).

D2 Rule as in human government: Romans 13:1 GW Every person should obey the government in power. No government would exist if it hadn't been established by God. The governments which exist have been put in place by God

D3 Administrators of the congregation: Acts 20:28 NET Watch out for yourselves and for all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God that he obtained with the blood of his own Son.

D4 All of us for discipling: Ephesians 4:11-13 NET It was he who gave some as apostles, some as prophets, some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, that is, to build up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God - a mature person, attaining to the measure of Christ's full stature.

D5 Jesus as Messiah and Redeemer: Luke 22:42 NIV Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.

D6 Remember that God gives us the grace to accomplish what He wants from us: Philippians 2:13 NIV for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

B2 Christ assigns the church to reign. If the Church is the bride, then Jesus gives us the example to follow.

C1 Revelation 20:6 NIV Blessed and holy are those who share in the first resurrection. The second death has no power over them, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with him for a thousand years.

C2 2 Timothy 2:12 NIV if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us;

C3 Revelation 5:10 NET You have appointed them as a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."

B3 Christ treats the wife as He wants to be treated Himself: Matthew 19:19 NIV honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"

B4 Christ does not control; He delegates.

One verse, taken out of context, that is a proof text for these types of teachers is Ephesians 5:24 NET But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Knowing all what I wrote above and the critical review, how can this verse mean that the wife must do everything her husband tells us. Remember now, everything.

B1 The Bible understands the meaning of everything to be everything pleasing to God, as God acts, and as lawful. If the husband commands her to sin, she must not obey him.

B2 Christ’s leadership style is not a dictator but a delegator.

B3 The abusive, so-called, Marriage Enrichment type books have it so, so wrong.

B4 Submit in English means: intransitive verb 1a: to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : SURRENDER

B4 In Greek the word is ὑποτάσσω hypotássō. It means to place under: 6. to obey, be subject A Greek military term meaning to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader. In non-military use, it was a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.

C1 So the word does NOT mean using force of position, voice, strength, etc.

C2 It carries the meaning of cooperating, taking responsibility, and carrying out our tasks.

Too many teachers leave out the context of Ephesians 5:24. So, here it is: Ephesians 5:21-24 NLT And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. [Emphasis is mine]

We are not to be the dictator, enforcer, bully, abuser, despot, authoritarian, etc.

All marriages are either Christian or controlling. If it is controlling, it is not Christian. If it is Christian, it is not controlling. Some links about this here, here, and All Power and Control Regimes Share the Same Basic Characteristics.

We are to be cooperative, working on problems together, rejoicing together, giving each other advice, respecting each other, loving each other, etc. If there is a final disagreement (a tie), then it is best to seek outside counsel from multiple people, not just one.

God HATES abuse. The wife is often blamed for difficulties in the home.

B1 This is outwardly treats his wife nicely, but in private, it is a totally different thing: Malachi 2:16 ISV “Indeed, the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce, along with the one who conceals his violence by outward appearances,” says the Lord of the Heavenly Armies. “So guard yourselves carefully, and don’t be unfaithful.”

B2 God hates abusers: 1 Corinthians 6:910 WEL Don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Don’t be deceived, for neither fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, active homosexual partners, 10 Thieves, covetous, drunkards, verbal abusers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

B3 God hates harsh treatment of anyone: Colossians 3:19 NLT Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. [Emphasis is mine]

A husband is to respect his wife. Avoid teachers that teach otherwise.

B1 Adam needed help. God created Adam that way. Genesis 2:18 NLT Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

B2 Adam needed God’s help.

B3 Adam needed Eve’s help.

B4 A wife is a good counselor. What human knows us better and wishes the best for us. (I do realize some wives are domestic abusers, too). Even if we disagree with them, we need to listen and understand what they are saying. We are not to consider ourselves too worthy to listen to her.

B5 Consider what Eggerichs apparently believes, How should a wife act if she strongly disagrees with her husband about some issue? 1Timothy 2:12 has some advice. Paul writes, “I do not allow a woman to exercise authority over a man but to remain quiet.” (p.220). (Source. Note, I do not have the book. I have not read the book).

B6 God gives our wives (sisters in Christ) spiritual gifts just like the brothers.

C1 Bible verses on gifts

D1 1 Corinthians 12

D2 Romans 12

D3 1 Peter 4:10-11 CSB Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God's words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

C2 Proverbs 12:15 LEB The way of a fool is upright in his own eyes, but he who listens to advice is wise.

B7 Decisions are best made in a multitude of counselors. At the beginning, the multitude of counselors are God and Eve.

C1 Proverbs 11:14 NKJV Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

C2 Proverbs 15:22 NKJV 2 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.

B6 Read Proverbs 31:10-31 again and note how the husband needed the wife’s help. He could not do everything. He respected her and gave her credit for what she has done, is doing, and will do.

Isaiah 8:20 WEB Turn to the law and to the testimony! If they don’t speak according to this word, surely there is no morning for them.

Acts 17:11 CSB The people here were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, since they received the word with eagerness and examined the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.

A Few Thoughts About Oneness and Intimacy in Marriage

This comment was received on Love Honor Vacuum:

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but no woman in the world is worth the aggravation you guys described. It seems to me that, before marriage, women are usually “hot to trot,” but once they get control of your life and (mostly) your wallet, they turn off the spiggot, and make everything into a thankless chore. After listening carefully to the whole podcast, I admit to being a little like Aquaman. What I heard was “somethin’, somethin’, somethin’, no sex for you.”

Even men who take their “shepherding” role seriously, get to the point of desperation. We usually have ONE item on our list of Requirements-for-a-good-marriage. Women seem to have 100 or more.

And if we don’t fulfill all 100 to perfection on a daily basis, they feel justified in becoming serial refusers. It seems to me that the problem your ministry you need to work hardest to defeat with is women and their OUTRAGEOUSLY UNREALISTIC expectations. It is those unmeetable expectations that are destroying marriages today; not porn, not affairs, and certainly not “evil white men” and their “evil penises.” It’s women and their insurmountable “Prince Charming Complex.”

Bill

You can read the response at the link about.

My thoughts:

This man, Bill, is either ignorant, willfully ignorant, or evil. It appears from his last statement that he wants sex on his demand and ignores his wife’s feelings. He needs to submit to his wife’s feelings, too.

B1 Submitting to one another: Ephesians 5:21 NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

B2 He needs to love his wife as HIMSELF: Ephesians 5:33 CSB To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

The Bible teaches oneness in marriage. This is oneness in body, soul, and spirit.

When we say oneness we are not referring to Eastern religious oneness. Oneness is understood to be of the same mind, the same spirit, the same goals, etc.

B1 The Trinity is one, not as oneness theology (which is unbridled heresy). John 17:21 NLT I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. (Also Deuteronomy 6:4 and John 10:30)

B2 The church: 1 Corinthians 12:13 CSB For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all given one Spirit to drink.

B3 Marriage: Genesis 2:24 NLT This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Oneness in spirit

B1 This is spiritual oneness.

B2 This is done when husband and wife pray, read and study the Scriptures, memorize Scriptures, pray, etc. together.

B3 On a greater level is when the family is worshiping in the congregation together. The oneness is the family is worshiping together.

B4 This is fellowship.

C1 Enoch with God: Genesis 5:22 NLT After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years, and he had other sons and daughters.

C2 Elkanan and wives: 1 Samuel 1:19 NKJV Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.

Oneness in soul

B1 This is emotional, intellectual, oneness.

B2 This is done when we spend time together for friendship, planning, problem solving, helping each other, etc.

B3 It is for comfort and listening when in trials or the hard day at work.

B4 It is for rejoicing together.

B5 You don’t need date night. It is to be the every day experience of having each other.

B6 This is not to mean you spend every breathing moment together. Everyone needs their space. The idea is in general there is to be oneness.

Oneness in body

B1 This is physical oneness

B2 If the husband enjoys pleasure, so should his wife.

B3 If he does not give her pleasure, he is either ignorant or does not love his wife.

C1 Consider

D1 1 Corinthians 13:5 WEL love...is not self-seeking…

D2 A wife is the closest neighbor there is: Galatians 5:14 WEL For all the law is fulfilled in one saying, namely, “You must love your neighbor as yourself.

C2 Abraham gave Sarah, his wife, pleasure: Genesis 18:12 NKJV Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"

C3 The Song of Solomon

D1 This inspired book was and is to be read and interpreted in its plain, normal sense.

D2 It is a manual of oneness in physical and emotional spheres.

D3 It is part of God’s standards for husband and wife.

D4 A husband is to enjoy his wife’s beauty. Release is not the goal. Enjoying her beauty is the most important. We are not to enjoy another’s person’s beauty, but we are to enjoy our wife’s beauty. It takes more than 2 minutes. Song of Songs 1:10 NLT How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels.

D5 Song of Songs 2:14 NLT Young Man My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely.

D6 All of Song of Songs Chapter 4

B4 Release is relief from the build up of pleasure. If a man releases without his wife being able to relax and have pleasure, he will not have any enjoyment of his wife’s beauty, which is most important for physical oneness in marriage.

B5 The wife has needs, too. Both husband and wife should fulfill each other’s needs: 1 Corinthians 7:3 NLT The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.

B6 A husband does not own his wife; she can refuse. They are to help each other: 1 Corinthians 7:4 NLT The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

B7 He has an obligation to fulfill her sexual needs as well as she his: 1 Corinthians 7:3 CSB A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.

C1 The Greek word for duty is ὀφειλή opheilḗ.

C2 It means

D1 Cognate: 3782 opheilḗ (a feminine noun) – a specific (applied) kind of indebtedness, implying an "applied obligation" due to the debt (what is owed). See 3781 (opheiletēs).

D2 3781 opheilétēs (a masculine noun) – a debtor; someone under obligation to pay back (discharge) a debt.

C3 The husband has a debt to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs.

Love in marital oneness

B1 Love is a choice

B2 The actions of love are 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never ends

B3 Bill does not do this. He completely and miserable fails God’s standards.

C1 This is truly a time for repentance.

D1 Confession of sin

E1 This is a public sin and needs to be publicly confessed and forgiveness sought.

E2 A sin that only God knows needs to be confessed only to God and forgiveness sought from Him.

E3 A sin that only one person knows needs to be confessed to God and that person then forgiveness sought from both.

E3 A public sin is sin know by many people. It needs to be confessed to God and publicly then forgiveness sought from all.

D2 Asking forgiveness

E1 All sin is against God’s laws.

E2 Sin can be in thoughts, desires, words, and deeds.

E3 We live what we really believe.

E4 Sin comes from our evil hearts. We are not compelled to sin. God does not decree sin.

D3 Change of attitude

D4 Change of life

D5 Consistency and persevering changes in public and private

B4 Ecclesiastes 9:9 NLT Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.

Bill you are in great error and great sorrow. You are harming your wife.

Song of Songs Part 2

Part 2

A brief review

B1 Written by Solomon

B2 Solomon is reminiscing about his marriage. I believe that chapter 1 is their wedding night after the wedding ceremony.

B3 The woman character is Naamah, Solomon’s first wife and mother to 3 children—Rehoboam, his son (1 Kings 11:43 and Matthew, Taphath (1 Kings 4:11), and Basmath (1 Kings 4:15). No other children were listed in Scriptures being fathered by Solomon.

B4 Personally, I feel that, in general, all of Solomon other wives were for political or business reasons. He didn’t become intimate with them.

B5 We learned

C1 Sexual pleasure in normal for both husband and wife. Admiring each other’s beauty is not sinful.

C2 The greatness of being with each other.

C3 Some pointers when you are together, namely

D1 It is a time for just the both of you

D2 Shut the phone off

D3 Shut the TV off

D4 Stop any distraction

D5 It is realistic that interruptions do happen as emergencies or younger children. But, otherwise, you are spending time with your spouse.

D6 Listen to her. Listen to him. Do not interrupt. Do not offer advice or counsel. Shut up and listen. Don’t be reading or doing something when she is talking.

Notes

B1 Chapter 5

C1 This is a continuation of chapter 4. Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1 GNB Wake up, North Wind. South Wind, blow on my garden; fill the air with fragrance. Let my lover come to his garden and eat the best of its fruits. 5:1 I have entered my garden, my sweetheart, my bride. I am gathering my spices and myrrh; I am eating my honey and honeycomb; I am drinking my wine and milk. Eat, lovers, and drink until you are drunk with love!

C2 Her husband returns home and knocks at the door. She does not get dressed quickly enough. Opening the door, she finds he has left.

C3 She was worried and longing for him, so she goes out at night only to be assaulted/molested by law enforcement. Song of Songs 5:7 NLT The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds. They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls.

C4 The chorus, Daughters of Jerusalem, ask her what is so special about him?

C5 She responds describing his handsomeness.

C6 Note, she identifies him not only as lover but friend. Song of Songs 5:16 NLT His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.

B2 Chapter 6

C1 The chorus of young women, Daughters of Jerusalem, offer to help find him. “Where should we look?” they ask.

C2 She suggests the garden area. Song of Songs 6:2 NLT Young Woman My lover has gone down to his garden, to his spice beds, to browse in the gardens and gather the lilies.

C3 Solomon sees her and is overwhelmed by her beauty and describes, with joy, her beauty.

C5 She goes to a walnut grove to enjoy nature.

C6 The Daughters of Jerusalem ask her to return so they can observe her grace of movement.

B3 Chapter 7

C1 Her husband, seeing her beauty, is overwhelmed. He describes it honestly.

C2 After his description, telling her why she is so beautiful, she becomes overwhelmed, too. Song of Songs 7:10 NLT Young Woman I am my lover's, and he claims me as his own.

C3 They enjoy being intimate in their private garden.

B4 Chapter 8

C1 There is a time for intimacy and a time to refrain. Song of Songs 8:4 NLT Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. Consider:

D1 A husband can request intimacy, and the wife can refuse (maybe she is sick or too exhausted from work, etc.).

D2 A wife can request intimacy, and the husband can refuse.

D3 Sometimes one hears teaching that a wife must always be available to meet her husband’s sexual needs. This is wrong and evil. It is practically raping your wife.

D4 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 GW But in order to avoid sexual sins, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3 Husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs. 4 A wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband doesn't have authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Don't withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together so that Satan doesn't use your lack of self-control to tempt you. [Emphasis is mine]

C2 The wife explains the strength of love. Let us note it carefully.

D1 Song of Songs 8:6-7 NLT Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.

D2 If a woman is afraid of her husband, then the husband does NOT love his wife. If a man is afraid of his wife, then the wife does NOT love her husband. 1 John 4:18 GNB There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.

D3 If your marriage does not seem to have love, see below.

C3 Entering marriage as a virgin is God’s best. Some do not, so do not freak out about it. You ARE forgiven if you asked God to forgive you. Song of Songs 8:9 NLT If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower. But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.

C4 Naamah was a virgin when she married Solomon. Song of Songs 8:10 NLT Young Woman I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.

C5 Solomon is identified as the husband.

D1 He has a vineyard that he leases to tenants.

D2 She has a vineyard, herself, that he can have free. She is the vineyard. Song of Songs 8:12 NLT But my vineyard is mine to give, and Solomon need not pay a thousand pieces of silver. But I will give two hundred pieces to those who care for its vines.

C6 Solomon wants so listen to his wife. He wants to hear her voice and opinions. Song of Songs 8:13 NLT Young Man O my darling, lingering in the gardens, your companions are fortunate to hear your voice. Let me hear it, too!

C7 The wife, Naamah, wants to be with him forever. Song of Songs 8:14 NLT Come away, my love! Be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.

We learn

B1 It is OK to tell your wife how beautiful she is from head to toe. Husbands enjoy your wife’s beauty.

B2 Sex is meant for husband and wife. Both are to enjoy it. Ask her what is pleasurable. Do not be in a rush.

B3 Togetherness is important. This doesn’t mean just living in the same house. This means to worship, eat, work, communicate, listen, pray, etc. together. You must have togetherness. It doesn’t mean having a date. It means enjoying each other’s company daily.

B3 Communication is important.

B4 The spouses need to know the language of love.

C1 A quiz husband and wife should take. The quiz is here.

C2 Take the quiz and discover each other’s language of love.

C3 There are more resources here.

B5 Love is a choice. You choose to love. It is not necessarily an emotion.

B6 The actions of love are found in 1 Corinthians 13. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL 4 Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn't brag about itself, is not haughty,

5 Doesn't behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn't easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs,

6 Doesn't rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth,

7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends,...