Listening versus Offering Opinions

Proverbs 18:2 NIV - Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

How many people do we know that do not fully listen to another person?

People need to communicate to each other.
• Husbands and wives
• Children and parents
• Teachers and students
• Pastors and congregation
• Bosses and those under them
• Leaders and those under them
• Medical professionals and their clients
• Legal advisers and their clients

Understanding
• We must know what the other is saying
• We must clarify what they are saying if we are not sure
• We must be listeners
• Remember that we too have issues
• We are one family (Christian)
• Listening is showing love
• Listening is a virtue
• Listening is showing mercy

Good listeners
• Sit quietly
• Do not stare at the speaker but have enough eye contact that the speaker knows they are listening
• Do not give their opinion
• Do not talk except to clarify
• Do not offer solutions unless asked or absolutely necessary (for example a crime has been committed)
• Do have body language that reflects their interest in the speaker
• Do not judge until they understand what the speaker is saying
• Do not ask for details except to clarify. Example, evil pastors wanting details of sexual abuse or molestation
• Will relisten if necessary. Sometimes what someone tells us is so upsetting, they must repeat themselves.
• Don't gossip. This is private information, unless the speaker requests others know or a crime is committed (which must be reported)

After understanding, then
• Believe them
• Give advice briefly
• Refer as necessary (especially after abuse, molestation, and crimes)
• Pray with them seeking wisdom and comfort
• Offer to help ("How can I help you?")
• Follow up and make sure the person is receiving help

The fool
• Does not listen
• Quickly offering advice instead of listening
• Interrupting with conversation not related to what the speaker is telling them
• Using their cell phone, reading, or doing something else instead of listening
• Interrupt the speaker with their own experience
• Will not believe them
• Accusing them
• Will not refer
• Will not comfort
• Will not offer to help
• Seeks revenge
• Takes advantage of someone when they are susceptible to further damage
• Makes excuses
• In cases of abuse, etc. believes the abuser instead of the abused
• Gossips
• Mocks them
• Insults them

God (Yahweh) is a good listener
• Matthew 11:28 NIV - "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
• 1 Peter 5:7 NIV - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
• Romans 8:26-28 GW  At the same time the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we don't know how to pray for what we need. But the Spirit intercedes along with our groans that cannot be expressed in words.  27  The one who searches our hearts knows what the Spirit has in mind. The Spirit intercedes for God's people the way God wants him to.  28  We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom he has called according to his plan.
• Luke 6:12 GW  At that time Jesus went to a mountain to pray. He spent the whole night in prayer to God. (So if we need too, we can. If the Father listened to the Lord Jesus, so He listens to us as well).

A Few Thoughts About Listening

Importance of listening

Listening

B1 Body language

C1 If standing, stance and posture may show we are open to listening or not. Do not authoritatively but compassionately.

C2 If sitting, then sit upright, leaning slightly forward, and not slouching, leaning away, or folding the arms.

C3 Nodding the head occasionally

C4 Not being distracted by the environment or technology (phones, etc.)

C5 Neutral facial to slightly friendly at times. Be genuine. Don’t frown or grimace as if looking bored.

C6 Examples: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Body_Language.htm

B2 Face and eyes

C1 Show attentiveness. Look at them most of the time.

C2 Show respect

C3 Again, the link above has some pictures showing the difference.

B3 Re-enforcement

C1 Don’t interrupt except for

D1 Clarification

D2 Acknowledgement (stating, “OK, I see, I understand, wow, I’m sorry this happened,” etc.)

C2 Nodding your head once in a while

B4 Believe them

B5 Listening is not giving advice

B6 Some don’ts

C1 Don’t hurry them along

C2 Don’t be doing something else when they are talking

C3 Don’t be judgmental

C4 Don’t correct

Purpose

B1 Love (2^nd summary of the Law)

C1 Luke 10:27 NLT The man answered, "'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.

C2 Romans 13:9-10 NLT For the commandments say, "You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet." These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God's law.

C3 Also see Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:14, and James 2:8.

C4 If we really are going to live according to God’s rules, we must show this kindness—to listen to someone.

B2 Respect for others

C1 Matthew 7:12 NRSV In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.

C2 1 Peter 3:8 GNB To conclude: you must all have the same attitude and the same feelings; love one another, and be kind and humble with one another.

B3 Help and assistance for others

B4 There are those, however, you hog your time, talk incessantly, etc. There is a Scripture for that, too. These people are called “Compulsive Talkers.”

C1 Proverbs 17:27 NLT A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.

C2 Ecclesiastes 5:2 NLT Don't make rash promises, and don't be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

C3 Proverbs 15:1-2 NLT A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

C4 Politely point out, “Do you mind if I say something?” If they keep talking, we must just excuse yourself and leave.

C5 A couple of articles that might be helpful (secular source)

D1 5 Steps for Dealing With People Who Talk Too Much

D2 5 Tips for Handling an Incessant Talker

How does God listen?

B1 Attentively

B2 Purposefully

B3 His motive is love and respect

B4 He answers prayer in love and wisdom. (If it seems that He does not hear, then It might be the wrong time, the wrong situation, the wrong attitude, sin might be confessed, our spouse is not being treated in a godly manner, there might be selfish, lustful desires in offering the prayer, etc.).

Scriptures

B1 James 1:19 NLT Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

C1 Many take this passage to remind believers to listen quickly to God’s word and do it.

C2 But why “slow to get angry?” To be consistent, one would understand this to mean slow to get angry at God’s word. This cannot be correct. Especially when in context of James 1:20 NLT Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

C3 In addition, James 1:21 NLT So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

C4 One of the ways of getting rid of this filth is with God’s strength and help (grace), listen quickly, speak after listening carefully, and understand the situation and be controlled in anger.

B2 We want God to listen, shouldn’t we listen to our brothers and sisters?

C1 Psalm 66:18-20 NLT If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.

C2 Psalm 86:5-8 NLT O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O LORD; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I'm in trouble, and you will answer me. No pagan god is like you, O Lord. None can do what you do!

Application

B1 Listen

B2 We need each other

B3 A few testimonies on the importance of listening:

C1 Listening Is Powerful Medicine

C2 Listening: The art and science of hearing

B4 We pray and God listens. He has taught us to listen to each other.

B5 Take time to listen.

B6 God will help us.

James 4:6 NIV But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."